"Don't talk to me about gold plates -- if you can see what the plate is made of the portions are too small."

"...you can pro'bly make gumbo of a sort by simply dredging a swamp and boilin' up anything that tries to climb out of the net."

When a bottle of five-year-old sauce was found in the pantry at UU, the entire wing was evacuated for two days until it could be disposed of in a controlled dinner.
We're talking Wow-wow sauce here, of course.

"It's a lot harder to be a good cook in a big industrial city, because in the country there's usually more stuff available -- as we say, you can bake it, fry it or boil it, but for choice you poach it."

Nanny Ogg's Maids of Honour. Take your eyes off 'em and they end up as tarts....
Magrat would call that a 'double-intender'.

The Guild of Lawyers would like us to point out that putting arsenic in food can result in health problems, such as death.

Carefully take no frogs, and do not dry them.
Beginning of recipe for Dried Frog Pills.

The Drop Scone was one of the most feared of the battle breads -- heavy enough to do serious damage if dropped from a height of six inches, and aerodynamic enough to stun an opponent at a distance if hurled from a sling. A variant was designed to shatter on impact, scything the surrounding area with razor-sharp crumbs.
Dwarvish cuisine.

"...remember that the penalty for getting this wrong isn't that someone is going to be mortally offended. Someone will be offended, mortally."
Nanny Ogg on etiquette.

"When receiving visitors, wizards expect a present of cake. In return, when wizards visit you, they bring an appetite."

"It is said that, if you leave a saucer of milk out for the pictsies, they will break into your cottage and steal everything in your drinks cabinet."
Nac mac Feegle, wha hae !

"I always say: If you haven't got anything good to say about anyone, say it to me."
Nanny Ogg on gossip.

"They'll be served raw in their shells. You squeeze lemon over 'em and then just pour 'em down your throat. The sensation is a bit like having a bad cold and no handkerchief."
Nanny Ogg on oysters.

"Be very wary around creepy signs that say 'Thank You For Not Smoking', because there's magic afoot. Otherwise, how did they know you wouldn't?"
Nanny Ogg on smoking.

"The swain will also get asked if he has any other 'expectations'. It is not polite to raise any points about the girl's expectations at this point."
Nanny Ogg on courtship.

"If the recently passed-away was popular, all their friends will come to pay their respects and give 'em a good send off, and if they're unpopular, everyone will turn up anyway to make sure they're dead."
Nanny Ogg on funerals.

"Some people like the coffin to be upright and open, but I think it it more etiquette to have it closed, especially if you are short of tables."
Nanny Ogg on funerals.

"In Lancre we have what I suppose you'd call a constitutional monarchy if we had a constitution. What this means is this: there is only one king and more'n five hundred subjects, and they all work every day at jobs which mainly involve sharp things. It's one of those lessons that are so obvious they don't have to be taught."
Nanny Ogg on the monarchy.

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